Life has been lifing. To say the least.
There are seasons I never imagined I would walk through — mostly because I am God’s favourite. That is literally what my name means, by the way. John. Favoured by God. So naturally, I assumed certain valleys were for other people.
I was wrong.
The Story Starts Somewhere
I’m not entirely sure when it began. But I know exactly where I lost myself — I just didn’t notice it happening until I was already far from home. That’s the thing about losing yourself slowly. There’s no single moment you can point to. It’s a series of small trades, each one reasonable on its own, until one day you look up and don’t recognise the person holding your name.
The past two years had their highlights though. I want to be fair. I met some genuinely interesting people — good side characters for my story. I am the main character, don’t forget that. Some of them helped move the plot forward in ways I’m still grateful for. The job I had wasn’t perfectly aligned with my values, but it was a real opportunity. I grew. I learned. I built skills I didn’t have before.
But somewhere in the middle of all of it, I started trading the wrong things.
The Mentor I Never Met
I used to listen to Jim Rohn. A lot. The mentor I never met — which is the best kind of mentor, honestly, because they’re always available and they never cancel. I read books. I journalled. I studied. I was the kind of person who upskilled himself for fun.
Then came the visa process.
I won’t go too deep into it because the frustration still has an address inside me and I’m not ready to let it speak at length. But trying to get a South African visa cost me more than time and money. It cost me my rhythm. Disappointment after disappointment, injustice stacked on injustice — and I am very good at running away from pressure. World class, actually. So I ran — straight into Call of Duty Mobile.
It’s almost funny. I lost myself in the process of trying to build a life here. The thing I was fighting for became the thing that undid me.
The Pressure of Becoming Someone I Feared
The visa. Work. Traveling. Adulting. All of it compounding. And slowly, without announcing itself, I became the version of myself I had always been afraid of becoming. Passive. Distracted. Numb. Going through motions I used to do with intention, now doing them just to get through the day.
I could unpack every frustration. Every injustice. Every moment where I felt like the system was designed for me to fail. But that’s all past now, and the past doesn’t need more of my attention. It already got more than it deserved.
Out With Lanterns
So here I am. Out with lanterns. Looking for myself.
I started listening to Jim Rohn again. Found a few new voices along the way — mentors I didn’t know I needed until I found them. I’m upskilling again, learning new things, because that is and has always been my real advantage. Not a degree. Not a network. Not connections in the right places. Just the ability to learn fast and build things from scratch.
The journey is still long. I won’t pretend otherwise. I’m still in the middle of it — jobless, building JTCreative from the ground up, trying to turn a freelance dream into something that actually pays. My faith is being stretched in ways that are uncomfortable and probably necessary.
But the Distracted Genius is learning to focus.
What does the future hold? I genuinely don’t know. And for the first time in a while, I’m okay sitting with that question instead of running from it.
The lanterns are out. The search is on.
I’ll find him.